Parenting Wisdom, Continued
Patrick Mead preaches at a church about an hour and a half away from us. If we lived closer (and Hubby wasn’t on staff at our church, lol), we’d definitely be there every Sunday! I have his blog on RSS feed, and would recommend to everyone I know to subscribe as well. In my opinion, he’s right up there with Real Live Preacher as far as being real and really trying to ‘get’ the message of Christ.
Anyway, he has an awesome post up about less rules and more natural consequence parenting. More of what we’ve been talking about over at Atypical Homeschool, plus some practical application. I really like the idea of grace-based, less punative parenting, but it is really hard for me to get a picture of what that looks like in a practical sense. I know that every situation is different, I have to use wisdom, but when my little boy (2 1/2) stomps his foot and says “NO!”, my first reaction is to swat or to put him in his bed. What would be a more consequence-oriented way to deal with that? (to me, time out IS the consequence).
Well, this is a little longer than I had intended. I think I’ll go ahead and post it — Patrick’s post is a really good read and I don’t want to wait to link it — but I think I’ll also do some longer posts on some of the parenting ideas that I’ve been reading about and trying.
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April 23rd, 2006 at 1:53 pm
I guess it would depend what he is saying no over so vehemently.
Sometimes I look right at the kids and say “You can do it now or do it later, it still has to be done whether you say no or not. You can protest all you like.”
Don’t want to eat supper? Great. You can eat it cold later. (or have something else later when others are finished)
Don’t want to stop playing so we can make that appointment? That’s a little harder and little guys really need some transition time. I start a good 15 mintues beforehand with Emma letting her know she has to wrap it up (whatever she’s doing) because I expect her to be ready to go when we need to go. I give the big kids a 5 mintue warning as well.
Have I occasionally left a kid behind? Yep.
(well, not at 2 or 3, but you know what I mean…)
April 23rd, 2006 at 8:42 pm
TBH, that is the first reaction that still comes to mind. And I’ve been working on this for a long time. Whether or not I’ll ever be free of it, I don’t know.
What I try to do is find out why they are behaving that way. What was it they were planning on doing? in so doing, I discovered that it is rare that, at least from the child’s perspective, the being upset is not legitimate.
April 29th, 2006 at 8:44 am
[…] And Even More Parenting Wisdom When I posted my last link to Patrick Mead, I didn’t realize that article was actually Part 2 in a series. Part 1 is even better!!!! I am always reading parenting advice that falls into the two categories he describes: Open pot with no lid or pressure cooker with no valve. How very important is that tiny bit of metal, the steam-release valve! There is so much great stuff in this one, you must bookmark it and re-read it — I did! The initial thought I came away with, the one thing I decided immediately must be implemented into our family is this (emphasis mine): Never say no when you can say yes. Allow them the maximum amount of freedom possible while maintaining our Christian ethos. If it is a matter of sin, stand and fight. If it is a developmental, cultural, or situational matter — negotiate. Use wisdom, grace and humor — but do not paint your child or yourself into a corner. Make sure that, if they need to run, they know it is safe to run towards you. […]