My So-Called Homeschool

Squid and I were on the team that sang for the funeral today. I’ve sung in many funerals, for people I knew very well and for those I knew not at all. This has to be the most difficult funeral I have ever sung for. I know this was not about me, but it was extremely cathartic. I wept through the whole thing, not just for Cadee, but for our lost little one as well. Seeing her there just helped me visualize our baby in a way I have not been able to, and I was able to mourn in a way I have not been able to.  It wouldn’t have been so difficult if I would have just let go and sobbed, but I felt I needed to hold it together enough to sing — that, after all, was what I was needed for. We sang Matt Redman’s Blessed Be Your Name, which I didn’t realize were the words that Job said when he found out all of his children had died until Mark pointed it out in his wonderful message. He basically said Cadee only lived 77 days, but the worth of a life is not found in the length of that life, that Cadee had a purpose to be here. He reminded us all, in our search for the right words to say, NOT to try to explain why she was taken so young — that unless we have a direct line to God, no one can possibly know that. Anyway, I can’t really do justice to it, he had just the right words to say.  It’s been a long, emotional day, and I’m going to chill out a while.

Tomorrow, a review of Nancy Drew’s The Mystery of Kapu Cave game.