My So-Called Homeschool

Jenn over at Mommy Needs Coffee wrote a beautiful post about some of the people we forget on Mothers’ Day — all those people who might not be ‘traditional’ mothers, but who are mothering all the same. You have some of them in your life, I’m sure — an aunt who watched you while your mom worked, the lady at church who made sure you were acting the way your mom expected, a special teacher who took extra time. She even shares her own story of non-motherhood, after losing her first child just prior to Mothers’ Day. I responded with a story of my own, of a very special person in my life who has mothered all of her adult life and never gotten much credit for it. I thought I’d expand on it here some.

My sister Shar has always loved children. Even as a teen, if there was a baby crying you could give it to Shar and she could settle it right down. After high school and some very traumatic experiences she went to college for a year or so. It just wasn’t for her. After working in a nursing home for a while (see - mothering again!), she found out about a nanny school in Wichita, KS. She FLEW through that school with awesome grades, even being asked to do lectures after she graduated. She was unable to do that, however, because she was hired even before graduation by a young military couple. They had a son about 4 years old or so and were due any day for their daughter. As soon as that baby was born, Shar started taking care of her. She ended up serving this family for twelve or thirteen years, travelling with them from Wichita to Washington state to Washington, DC and then back to WA again! Shar was the one who went to the PTA meetings, did the volunteer work at their school, helped with their homework and even when they were sick in the night, it was Shar who got up with them and held their foreheads murmering “It’s ok”. They don’t make cards for nannies. There is no Nannies’ Day. But she sure sounds like a mom to me. She dealt with the smart mouth (read potty mouth) of a 16-year-old boy who was DONE with having a nanny. It wasn’t long after that she decided it was time to move on to a new position. But when that boy graduated from high school, she was invited and treated to a place of honor. When he was being particularly gracious and courteous to his mother and to my sister in front of all his rowdy friends, and after he had announced the prestigious college he would be attending, the dad turned to Shar and said “See that young man? You did that. You are responsible for the man he has become.” Sounds like a mom to me. That boy still e-mails her about what he’s doing at university. “Her” little girl still e-mails her about boys and school and girl stuff. Please don’t get me wrong. She has always been very careful about not usurping the real mother’s place. But sometimes it was abdicated, and if she had to she would step in.

Shar has often dispaired of ever having kids of her own, that she would be raising other people’s kids into her old age. In my comment at Jen’s I said I always got my sister a card for Mothers’ Day. It would probably be more accurate to say that I always wanted to get her a card for Mothers’ Day. But what kind of card can you get? I didn’t want to make her feel bad that she wasn’t a “real” mother. I usualy got a “thinking of you” card, or “proud of you” card. But this year, will be getting ‘real’ mother’s day cards - her very own son is 4 months old now. You’ve seen pictures of him, she’s RJ’s mommy! It’s much more real to her now, but she is the mommy she is to him because the mommy she has been to so many other kids over the years.

LOVE YOU SHAR!!!!!